


Improbable

by KaijinKyn



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, ITS JUST VERY FLUFFY HOPEFULLY IDK, M/M, Other, also for all intents and purposes may and brendan are 14 in this mmkay, also maxie is savage af, also norman's in there somewhere idk, archie's the cool one, archie's the one who has to put his foot down lol, dumb gay dads, family stuff??? i guess??????, i honestly have no idea what im doing with this fic lmao, maxie's that one dad who can never say no, pirate accents are surprisingly hard to write jfc, protect wally he didnt deserve your prejudice may, savage old dad man, surprisingly enough, who completely deny being super gay for each other, wow archie you're kinda scottish in this oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7352722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaijinKyn/pseuds/KaijinKyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Nope, this time I want you to be my dad!”</p><p>If the floor wasn’t already a hazardous zone from the coffee spilt by the first mug, the stuff Maxie spat out in abject horror was definitely enough to make it pretty dangerous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Improbable

**Author's Note:**

> So??????? This is a thing?????????? I'm not technically in the Pokemon fandom - don't get me wrong, I love the games and I own most of them, but I've never been into the anime or very deeply rooted into the fandom at all, so forgive any noticeable errors lmao. It's pretty much just a mashup of the events in ORAS and the Ruby/Sapphire arc in the anime, so hopefully I've done a good job!! Inspired by fluffycutecats small comic (http://fluffycutecats.tumblr.com/post/117705996844/norman-is-probably-so-busy-getting-his-ass-beat-by) and the dub ProZD did of it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kuds4w8QEos), I decided to make,,,,, this. It's supposed to be a silly fluffy thing that I might continue possibly idk - if it goes well, sure! Note that this hasn't been proofread or anything, nor am I a professional author in any way so,,, yeah. ANYWAY ENJOY I GUESS LMAO

If Maxie had to describe himself in any way, it would be ‘professional’. As head of the (newly reformed) Team Magma, he had to be - of course, his strict regimen had made the entire force something to be reckoned with, their ranks well organized and focused on what had previously been their mission: to remove all trace of water from the Earth.

...Well, he had definitely realised by now that had been a pretty _bad_ plan. He liked to think of himself as calculating, always one step ahead of the competition. And although his plan had failed (luckily - Maxie despised to know what kind of outcome would have resulted from such a poorly thought out action on his part) he was still quite…Well...Full of himself, so to say. 

Even so, Maxie almost always knew what to expect. Probability was his pillar of belief - it was probable that he would have breakfast every day at around 8 in the morning, but would he ever enjoy being forced to sit at the table and listen to his ‘housemate’ sing loudly and horribly off key at the radio? No. No he would not. 

It was probably for this reason (as well as many others) that he didn’t get along with his ‘housemate’ all that well. The insufferable fool had always been his opposite - even before their Teams had been formed - and although the drama was over by now Maxie still couldn’t find it in himself to like the other man, in any way shape or form. They were just too _different_.

Never-the-less, he’d agreed to it on his path to reformation, so he was pretty much stuck with the decision. No matter Maxie’s personal beliefs, however, there were things that always caught him off guard. 

One reason in particular always seemed to be the cause of his ‘pillar’ being disrupted so often, in the form of a short, stubborn girl in red. 

“Maxie!” It was currently 9 in the morning and Archie had already taken hold of the shower in his muscled grip. It was often a race for hygiene these days - Archie couldn’t seem to get out of the water once he was in, and although Maxie was the complete opposite the other man didn’t seem to understand the concept of patience (plus there was only one bathroom - why did he let Archie design the house again?) so Maxie was forced to wait.

In any case, he was nursing a cup of coffee (his second, it took a lot of energy to keep up with Archie’s seemly natural hyperactivity) and reading the weekly issue of The Poké Times when May all but kicked open the front door, sending Maxie’s coffee into the air and promptly onto the floor in surprise. 

All the red-haired man could do was look at the now-broken mug in disappointment and resignation before turning warily to the angry looking brunette on the other side of the kitchen table, her hands slamming down onto the surface with such force it made his plate of finished breakfast do a little jump.

...He should probably put that in the sink before it joined its companion on the floor.

“May, a pleasure as always.” He greeted blandly, calmly putting down the newspaper to pick up the plate and walk towards the sink behind him, keeping an eye on the girl just in case she continued to break any more of his things. He had quite liked that mug, even if it had been Archie’s. 

“Maxie! I need your help!!” May began, pointing a finger at the man as he opened his mouth to reply. “No is not an acceptable answer!” Ah. Well, how could he ever argue with that?

“No.”

“Geh-! Hey!” May latched onto Maxie’s arm stubbornly as he made a third cup of coffee with another one of Archie’s mugs, looking down at her as she whined. “It’s importaaant!” 

“Why don’t you bother Archie about this? Or Tabitha - I’m sure even Courtney would love to help you out.” He replied, extremely uninterested in whatever hairbrained scheme she had surely come up with this time. He did _not_ have fond memories of the girl’s mother coming to harshly scold him for possibly creating an advanced version of the Magma Suit in which she could go around firing plastic bullets at her boytoy.

“Well, Archie kinda has something to do with it...But I need your help as well!” Maxie sighed, knowing deep down he could never say no to the girl. Their friendship was...A strange one, to be certain. Being friends with the two people he had once hated and admired at the same time was all kinds of weird for him - Maxie wasn’t used to having friends at all, really. 

“What could possibly be so important you need our help in particular?” He asked, dislodging his arm from her grip firmly and sipping at his third mug of coffee. “If it’s another death weapon I’m kicking you out of the house.”

“Nah - although seeing mom ratting you out that like was pretty funny.” May snorted at the memory, covering her mouth with a hand. Maxie heaved a sigh into his beverage, an eyebrow raising as he waited for the girl to finish. He really couldn’t ever say no to her. “Nope, this time I want you to be my dad!”

If the floor wasn’t already a hazardous zone from the coffee spilt by the first mug, the stuff Maxie spat out in abject horror was definitely enough to make it pretty dangerous.

“W- _What?_ ” He stammered, unsure if he’d even heard her correctly. ...Was this a thing with teenagers? Did they spontaneously decide they wanted different parents at a certain age? He didn’t remember doing this when he was her age - maybe it was something he’d missed in his study on teenage habits when he decided to attempt befriending the girl-?

“Maxie, calm down! You look like you’re going to explode.” May said, worry in her tone as she snapped Maxie out of his frantic thoughts. Setting down the mug in his hand in fear of getting any _more_ liquid on the floor, Maxie pushed his glasses up his nose in a way to gather his thoughts. 

“Why in the world would you ever ask me to be your...parental figure? Don’t you already have two of those?” May sighed, a disappointed expression overcoming her previously cheerful face. Maxie was familiar with moodswings - he’d _studied_ \- but May was so very tempermental at times it was hard to keep up. Archie handled emotions far better than he did...Why did that man have to spend so much time in the damn shower?

“Yeah, I guess...I mean, mom’s awesome, but dad…He was never really there for me. And! And Wally is _great_ and all, but _I’m_ his daughter! Not him - he treats Brendan as his child more than me!” May huffed for a moment after finishing her rant before folding her arms over her chest in irritation. “ _That’s_ why you - and Archie! - are going to be my new dads. Because my old one sucks.” Maxie raised an eyebrow, unimpressed at this description of May’s father. He’d never met the man personally, but the girl had never really spoken highly of him - never talked about him at all, in fact.

Whatever response he might have formulated was dashed at the new arrival in the kitchen, Archie stepping in with a yawn and wearing nothing but sweatpants. 

“Mornin’ scamp.” He greeted jovially, stepping over the mess that was previously the water type user’s mug with nothing but a disappointed “that was my favourite one, Max” and heading straight for the fridge. Maxie looked on with a disgusted sneer, turning his head away from the other man in exasperation. 

“How many times must I tell you, Archie - put your goddamn clothes on before coming downstairs!” Archie snorted, head already engulfed in the machine as he perused their culinary collection.

“You know I couldn’t give a flying fuck, Max - excuse my language, little scamp - so I don’t know why you bother telling me.”

“Ugh! You are honestly the most infuriating man I have ever had the displeasure to know-” May giggled quietly as Archie yanked his head out of the fridge to mouth along to Maxie’s hate-filled rant, obviously mocking the other man as he made little hand movements and extreme expressions to go along with it. Eventually all Maxie could do was stand there and fume, picking up his third mug of coffee and downing it in one shot before muttering an irritated “I’m having a shower,” and storming off.

Archie snickered as he watched the other man disappear, pulling a health bar out of a cupboard and leaving both that and the fridge wide open for May to reluctantly close behind him, the dark skinned man throwing himself into a chair and sighing contently.

“Y’know, when we aren’t trying to ruin the natural economy of the world, it’s kinda nice to relax. You should try it some time, scamp.” The man threw a wink in May’s direction and she rolled her eyes, side-stepping the broken coffee shards on the floor warily.

“Please! I’m always relaxed.” Archie raised an eyebrow and May couldn’t help noticing how alike it was to Maxie’s expression. May’s inner shipper found it somewhat amusing that they both claimed to despise each other so much, but willingly lived together, alone, in a house they’d designed together, and (at least in Archie’s case) cared little enough about what the other thought of him to go around without a shirt on.

May had a good eye for these sorts of things, and that had _almost definitely_ been a blush on Maxie’s face.

“Uhuh. Well, relaxation aside, what d’ya need, little scamp? Got a problem good ol’ Archie can sort out for ya?” May let a small, innocent smile appear on her face. No matter how much of a genius the two men claimed to be, it was almost horrifically easy to play them both. Maxie didn’t know how to handle emotions all that well, so being a wild ball of energy was enough to daze him - Archie just needed some cute, innocent eye-batting and he was putty in her small, unassuming hands. 

“I was wondering, Archie, if you’d ever think about being my dad?” The man paused, mouth in the middle of chewing on his bar before swallowing the mouthful, leaning forward in interest. 

“Not for nothin’, kid, but don’tcha already _have_ a pops’o your own?” May frowned, hopping up and sitting on the edge of the table, both to avoid the hazardous floor (someone should probably clean that up to be honest) and just for a place to sit down.

“He sucks! I want a new dad slash dads.”

“...Aaand you thought me and Mr ‘Great And Powerful’ would be the best candidates for th’ job?” Archie asked, before snorting and slapping a powerful hand onto May’s shoulder, the girl wincing at the force as the man laughed. “Bwahahaha! ‘M sorry, little scamp, but that’s pretty damn hilarious. Maxie an’ I would be the _worst_ parents.” May huffed, folding her arms across her chest in annoyance.

“Nobody’s worse than _my_ dad.” Archie frowned, sobering quickly. He knew May pretty well, and if she wasn’t laughing alongside his fairly hearty laughter then there was definitely something wrong.

“He’s that bad, huh?” May shrugged, almost pouting.

“He’s never really been in my life much, what with running the gym in another reigion and everything - but even now he barely notices I’m here and - y’know, saved the world and stuff! Plus he totally likes Wally better than me.” She huffed, bringing her feet up onto the table to rest her chin on her knees sadly. “Stupid green haired trap.” Archie snorted, punching the girl as lightly as he could on the shoulder.

“Well damn, if that’s how it is then how do I say no to that? We can be pirates o’ the seven seas! Sailing around the world and befriendin’ any and all Pokémon.” 

“Oh dear Arceus, please tell me you aren’t seriously considering this.” Maxie intoned as he returned to the kitchen, the only sign he’d actually had a shower was the somewhat damp look to his usually fluffy hair. 

Yes, it was fluffy. May and Archie knew this well.

~~Yes, it had been worth it.~~

“Oh c’mon, Max! Look a’this face and tell me you’re gonna turn her down!” Maxie looked over at the two of them blandly, both of them giving the red-haired man their best puppy-dog eyes as he moved to grab his previously discarded newspaper.

“I’m turning her down, Archie. This is a silly idea.” Archie huffed, slamming his hand down onto the newspaper and almost crushing Maxie’s hand, the Team Magma leader looking extremely apprehensive for a moment before sighing and reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He’d been awake for two and a half hours and he already had a migraine, Arceus forbid he ever had peace and quiet for once. 

This was probably in revenge for the whole ‘red orb’ thing.

“Y’not having your newspaper back until you agree to help our kid.”

“Archie, I’m only going to warn you once…Get your hand off the damn newspaper.”

“I’ll fight ya, I swear.” 

“You ignorant buffoon I cannot _believe_ how insufferable you’re being-” Archie rolled his eyes, giving a quick;

“Me an’ Maxie are gonna have a little talk in the hallway, scamp. Bare with me, alright?” He then proceeded to hoist Maxie over his shoulder, the shorter man giving a yell of outrage at the action.

“Archie put me down right now!” May watched in poorly concealed amusement at their antics, waiting for Maxie to stop shouting before sneaking over to the doorway and listening to them talk quietly.

“-Think about this for a moment, Maxie! The scamp’s never really _had_ a dad, how unfair is that?”

“It’s no business of ours, you fool! ...Look, I care about the child as much as you do, but we are not fathers-”

“Nothing would change! It’s more a familiar title than anythin’ - we’re already protectin’ the kid as best w’can by being their friend an’ fixin’ our mistakes. If it makes them feel better, why should we say no?”

“Gah...I hate it when you’re right.”

“Yeah, I know y’do. ...Y’can come out now, kid.” May yelped, jumping away from the door in surprise before pouting at being caught and stepping out into the hallway. 

“You know,” Maxie began, a somewhat smug look on his face (never a good sign), “I think parents are supposed to deliver punishment to children who break the rules. How does a months grounding sound to you, Archie?”

“Hm...I think three would seal th’ deal quite nicely, actually.” 

“Bluh-! You didn’t even want to do this, Maxie, shut up! You’re not my real dads!”


End file.
